fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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