Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
