How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
