NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
