I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
