WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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