OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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