I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
