...so i touched it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
