It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
