God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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