don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
