This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
