He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
