my phone needs a breathalizer
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
