is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
