I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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