i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
