when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
