fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.