HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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