This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
