not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
