omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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