I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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