woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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