oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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