I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
