the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
