So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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