I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
