Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
