Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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