I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
