We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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