you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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