btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
