apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
