Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just high enough for therapy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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