I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize