And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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