so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
