did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
