k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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