My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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