Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
