Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
third nipple confirmed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
