Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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