hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
