Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
