can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
