just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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