Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
