I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize