who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
