just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
