Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
