if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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