hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
