I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
