mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
