Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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