I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
