He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
