My first STD was from a foam party
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's shark week go big or go home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize