Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
