I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
