He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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