God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
