You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize